Where Would We Be, If Not Here?

By Grace

Tonight, I lie down in my satin pajamas. I look outside my window at the end of dusk and meditate on the lavender haze of the clouds. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

This evening, I walked a tiny terrier through the dew drops of the grass and stuck my hands inside her mouth every time she ate it. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

This afternoon, I had lunch for hours with my mom. We walked, we talked, we laughed, we cried. Our energies fed off of one another. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

This morning, I ran a 5k, lifted weights, then bought an ice cream sandwich—while sweating balls—in 100° weather. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

Last night, I talked in front of a group of people about what happens when you quit before the miracle. Then, I watched lip sync battles on RuPaul's Drag Race to lighten the mood. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

Yesterday, I dedicated hours continuing to pursue higher levels of education. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

Tomorrow, I'm going to a yoga retreat full of reiki healing, sound baths, and breathwork. I often wonder if I would be doing this at home or only inside prison.

I can speak for today yet can't help but wonder: where would I be if not here?