Mental Health in Prison: A Battle You Never Win

By Anonymous

In the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR), Incarcerated People (IP) fight the daily battle to maintain health and wellness in prison. Today, we know our mental, emotional, social, and physical is all interconnected. In retrospect, our self-insight reminds us we can't have one without the other, for focusing solely on one area of health is surviving not thriving. Is thriving in prison possible? Some say yes however, the underlying impact of becoming institutionalized with a side of PTSD, still lingers in the undercurrents of the mind.

Mental health in prison is walking on eggshells and borderline brutal. You're scared to be the one to cause the crack and get the bad end of someone else's bad day. You ride a new wave of anxiety every month, after surfing the last set all the way to shore. Your depression in remission comes back because you realize, once again, you may never return home. You bounce back because you realize you might actually already be living day-to-day to fulfill your life's purpose. You give back to your community, you perform genuine acts of kindness, then the cycle starts all over again.

When I arrived to the Central California Women's Facility , I immediately asked how to receive mental health services. After being told by one of the Correctional Officers (CO) to submit a co-pay, I began to submit one daily. At the time, I was living with a 300 lb schizophrenic woman who glorified being in prison. Prison was her own personal playground  indeed, it was not mine. I was terrified, so seeking mental help seemed to be the only way out—mentally and physically. I started to meet with one of the psychology interns from UCLA who listened to my prison problems with open arms. The girl had made numerous threats—many of which I cannot mention. 90 days and a couple psych prescriptions later, I made it to what the California women's prison refers to as "over the wall."