I wish people knew my heart.

I wish they could truly feel how my heart aches and my body runs cold, and my chest gets tight and my brain starts to throb in pain when I think about the fact that my actions led to a car accident. I wish people knew how hard I prayed to God to reverse any pain and trauma I caused on others and for Him to apply it to me 10-fold.

I wish people knew that when I laugh too hard I’m overcome with a wave of painful guilt for being too happy. Sometimes it’s so intense I have to close my eyes and shake my head until it subsides.

I wish people knew how responsible I’ve always been. From the age of 5 or 6, taking care of my sister, or my sickly mom, or my baby brother.

I want people to know I’m not the disgusting monster the state has painted me out to be.